Reflections on a school
What I'll take away when my contract ends
“Well-behaved women seldom make history”
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Like many people, I’m a non-permanent teacher aide. This means that when funds are exhausted, I’m the first on the chopping block.
It’s all part of the sector, and exceedingly predictable - yet still a disappointment after making connections and seeing progress in the students.
So this is where I find myself.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t knock my ego.
Why can’t they see my value?
Why can’t they see my potential?
What’s wrong with me?
What do I need to do for them to choose me?
After much reflection, I’ve decided - it doesn’t matter.
I set my value. I determine what I am capable of. I follow my baseline.
I choose myself.
The education industry has a way of passively asserting compliance. You get sucked into the machine and find yourself toeing the party line.
Little by little, shaving off the spiky parts of yourself that don’t fit; until you become an amorphous blob of carefully selected and meaningless word salad.
You stop speaking up; you stop making suggestions for good change (or at least good trouble). You get wrapped up in the minutiae. Optics. Politics.
This a fantastic strategy for maintaining the status quo.
This is a fucking terrible strategy for connecting with students, building relationships and driving much needed change.
And so, strangely, I have come to feel grateful for this contract ending. Because truth be told, if the cost of becoming a permanent teacher aide is for me to unquestioningly swallow reactive, ad hoc, opaque decisions from people-making-things-up-as-they-go-along; then that’s too high a cost.
Instead, I will remember all that I am thankful for:
The grace of patient colleagues as I struggled to find my feet;
The expertise of amazing teachers and role models;
The support of the union as I grappled with sexual harassment;
The enthusiasm of teacher aides from completely different schools and teacher aides in-training;
The catharsis of shared debriefing and cackling with trauma-bonded friends;
The singing, dancing, absurdity, laughter, light bulb moments and amazing students who brightened my day. Every. Single. Day.
The universe has been “nudging” and the message has been slow to seep in, but I'm finally surrendering to it, and readying myself to serve.
Watch this space. Good things coming. Bring on 2025.
(P.S. Not to worry everyone, I’ve been picked up as a teacher aide by another school until the end of the year)
As always, subscribers can comment below; or you can email me at teacheraideqld@gmail.com
That is so very true. School officers and teachers on contract go through this process every year, and it is an emotional time for them. I love looking at it through a 'it doesn't matter' lens. We need free thinkers to make changes for our students. The status quo works for a small number of people, not the majority. Bring on 2025.